Flying Monkeys

Remember watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’ as a child?  What were the scariest moments for you? Mine were the instant when the mean neighbor on the bicycle morphed into the witch on the broom and any scene with those flying monkeys.  I’m shuddering at the memory.  I have a natural fear of open heights.  So any beasty that can swoop down, pick you up and dangle you up in the air is worthy of fear.  Of course, they also carried you over to the evil castle lair of the wicked witch.  Enough said.  

Why is she talking about flying monkeys?  I can see why you would be curious.  Well, I’ll get there.  Just be patient.   Let me tell you some car stories that, while horrible at the time of happenstance, are actually amusing when linked together into a pattern over the years.    

Back in the ‘80s I bought my first new car.  I think the interest rate was 15.8% on the loan.  Good times.  I couldn’t afford much so I purchased a Hyundai Excel.   It was the perfect shade of blue.  A few months later we moved to New Hampshire and rented a condo with a carport.   It was a large roof supported upon cement posts.  Shortly after the move, I came home from work and parked my little car under the carport.  I went upstairs and opened the front door of our unit when suddenly my cat came racing from the back bedroom and launched himself at me.  He was terrified.   I picked him up and walked to the back of the condo.  What?!$%^&    The carport had collapsed onto our cars.  And where I had parked was the worst of it.   I was proud to say that it did take over a week before the roof of my little car totally caved.  But it sure was sitting lower in the interim.  The cause of this fiasco was unusually high winds and an updraft that pulled the unanchored posts from the ground.  The insurance company insisted on repairing the damage instead of replacing the vehicle.  They replaced the roof, windows, door, etc.  I stopped doing business with that company shortly thereafter. 

A few years later I was driving a zippy red Celica.  I loved that car.   I was now living in a townhouse.   One day I saw the sky darken.   The wind picked up and the lightning came down with a vengeance.  Suddenly the lights in the house went to an eerie half-light and I could hear trees thrashing about.  I opened the front door and there was the top of the utility pole complete with transformer and all the wires on top of my favorite car of all time.  Sigh.  At least it wasn’t caved in I told myself.  Just damaged the front end where it crash-landed and bounced onto the ground.

Several years later I finally replaced that Celica with a Corolla.  The next spring, in the early evening, I had just pulled into my parking spot after a visit to the dealership for an oil change.  I went inside and immediately the wind started picking up and the sky was a tinge of yellow.  Within moments the sky darkened, rain poured down and lightning came down en masse.  The locals called the river in back of our home ‘lightning alley’ for a reason.   Then the power went out and there was a bright light out front radiating into the windows.  I was in the kitchen closing all the windows and then ran to the front door and ripped it open-  and there it was.  I saw this very large tree on top of my car and the transformer was on the car and the wires were live and snaking in the street with flames shooting up into the air.  The utility pole beside my car was cut in half.  The utility pole across the street and down a ways was literally cut off three feet from the ground and standing in the middle of the street.  I called the fire department.  They called the utility company.  What a mess!  There were neighbors parked nearby.  My car was the only one damaged.  The trucks were there for hours making sure there was no fire risk and power was shut off.  Then the utility trucks were there through the night restoring power to the area.  

As for the car?  My brother came and helped me get it towed to a local body shop that had unbeknownst to me recently changed ownership.  I had to wait until the fire department removed the tree.  The body shop turned out to be very bad.  The car was there for months and they repaired it instead of totaling it.  They wouldn’t let me know what ‘repairs’ were made.  I began to suspect an arrangement with the insurance adjustor.  When they finally said I could pick it up my brother came with me.  Not only was the car not repaired properly but there was also fender damage from an accident with a white vehicle.  They tried to tell me that damage was already there!  I had the dealership visit just prior to the falling tree to back me up.  I refused delivery of vehicle.  Ultimately I protested with the executives at my insurance company and they immediately absorbed the repair expenses and totaled my car.  I bought a new Corolla that weekend.  And changed my insurance company.

A few more years go by and I am now driving a Honda CRV.  I had wanted a small SUV for years and was thrilled with my car.  One summer day I am quietly working at home.  Clear blue skies.  No signs of any storms on the horizon.  Just like a Kansas day right before a tornado strikes.  Now, as I already shared, I know to beware flying monkeys.  But what I did not know was to be on the lookout for flying tires.

I had run a quick errand at lunch and then pulled into the designated parking spot for my CRV.   Around 5:00pm a neighbor arrived home from work and parked beside me.  She knocked on the door and asked ‘have you seen your car?’.  And I said ‘no, why?’  She said ‘you have to come look at your car.’  I grabbed shoes and keys and went outside.  I noticed nothing wrong with my car from the back and asked her why this large tire was sitting in her parking spot.  My neighbor calmly said “Karen, you need to look at the front of your car.’

I slowly approach the front-end nestled deep into the parking space and exclaimed ‘oh no… not again’.  I sighed.  ‘How did this even happen…. it couldn’t have been that strange tire could it?...how could it bounce off the street onto the front end of my car … and with all those trees on the embankment from the highway up above…how could a tire have possibly rolled down the embankment and then gotten airborne in order to land on the windshield.  I don’t understand’

Yet somehow this most mysterious incident of all did indeed occur.  The windshield and roof frame were caved in as was the dashboard and steering column.  That tire had to hit with excessive force from the air to do such damage.  Leather seats damaged from flying glass.  The door had to be replaced, etc.  Another rental and months of repair work. 

And the insurance adjustor, insurance agent, body shop, family and friends all agreed…  how could this have happened?  In fact the insurance agent / adjustor over the phone was convinced that a tire must have come off a moving vehicle on our street and then bounced up in the air to land on the front of the CRV.  I tried explaining that I parked with the front of the car deep in the spot and that wasn’t possible.  Eventually the insurance inspector came over and cleared that up.  They were trying to link it to a moving vehicle accident that would have a much higher deductible.  Then they wanted to be sure I wasn’t driving when it happened. Fortunately, I had my neighbor and the photos I took right after she told me about the accident. 

For me, I have learned to practice detachment when it comes to my vehicles.  They certainly don’t stay new for long.  I have wondered about the timing of some of these incidents.  What if I had been in the car when these things happened?   I had just left the vehicle moments before most of them.  As for the flying tire incident – no one knows when that occurred.  It could have been just after I came inside. It never tripped the alarm due to the damaged dashboard. Maybe I was more fortunate than I realized at the times.

And the consensus is that my cars just attract objects to fall upon them.  Half of the people we know think they should never park near me and the other half think it would be the safest spot as things only land on my cars.   I can only conclude that my fear of flying monkeys- flying tires- flying utility poles- flying carports is justified.  Flying beasties be bad.