That Abyss

The vastness of it overwhelms.   You try not to approach the edge of the yawning chasm.  It’s darkness makes you feel cold and you shiver.   The unseen bottom and opposite sides gives you pause.   Best not to think of it – that abyss of your future years without your love.  An unplanned future spent on your own.  If dwelled upon it could prove terrifying in its enormity.

In the early days, I would wonder at how I could fill the years ahead of me.   I learned it was best to just focus on each day.  It works most of the time.   It really does.  But there are those occasions when that abyss looms large in the mind.  Sometimes at random moments when least expected.  Sometimes when you are marking a special occasion or other memory pivot point.  A day or week when you remember what once was.   Not that you ever really forget it.  It’s just become easier to be distracted from the pain on more days the further you are out from your loss. 

I think of my future path from a Christian perspective.   And it helps to put my trust in God as I plan each day.   But yet- there are those unexpected moments.  Moments when the abyss startles me with its presence.  I say a little prayer.  I write a little blog.   Comforted by the knowledge gained from experience that in the morrow it will seem less daunting.