Words Are Easy

I’m sure we’ve all heard the advice that words are easy, it’s actions that matter.  But have you really thought about that lately?   Because, as I look around our world, I see a lot of easily uttered words but not so many actions.    Congress is a classic example but….wait, I don’t want to go there. 

You know those social ‘white’ lies?  Like saying we’ll get together to do this or that?   The person making the statement gets to bask in the immediate happiness of the recipient without actually making the effort to follow through. 

Of course, there are the classic words of caring we often share with family and friends.  But if you really think about it – it’s the actions to express that caring that mean so much more.  Actually visiting that relative in the nursing home.  Actually attending that child’s school event.  It’s the time spent together more than the words.   Is it a ten minute ‘duty’ call to mom or dad?  Or are you spending the time for a good, long chat? 

Or what about those polite or even caring words uttered to someone but then the mockery starts once the back is turned?   An action not quite in keeping with those easily spoken words.  But as a society it has become a way of life.  When did mockery and sarcasm become so popular anyway?   I miss  kindness and sincerity. 

Then there is the deeper issues- the dreams vocalized but never acted upon.   No tiny steps taken to actually make that dream come true.  Perhaps it is the hope to do more for your community but then life intervenes and there just wasn’t the time. 

How are all these examples interconnected?  I believe that uttering those easy words on the small daily things leads to us being frozen on the larger, more significant goals, hopes or dreams.  We start to believe the self-talk that we have not the time.  No time to call mom.  No time to make your small piece of the world a better place.  Dreams can wait till later. 

I believe that we should all be more aware of all those words coming our way on a daily basis.   Do they reflect genuine kindness and actual commitment for our well-being?  Are there actions backing up those words?  If not, it may be time to welcome new people into our respective personal worlds. 

We also need to be mindful of the words we put out there-  are we following them up with action?  Do we genuinely mean what we say?  In other words, would new people welcome us into their personal worlds?

At the end of any given day, those words are just too easy to say.  And perhaps are not needed after all.  It really is actions that matter.  Let us strive to be promise keepers.  Let our actions reflect our intentions.

"M'am"

Do you remember the first time someone called you ‘m’am’?  I think I was somewhere in my thirties and I recall thinking – well, that ‘miss’ phase is definitely behind me now.   It didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would.  But you have to understand that back then I had one of those faces where people always thought I was much younger than I was.  Folks thought I was in junior high when in high school and in high school when in college.  One time in my late twenties I ran to the movie theatre to buy tickets for the nighttime show and the kid at the booth actually carded me because it was rated R.  Seriously. 

And now I look around me and think everyone looks so much younger than they are.  And folks don’t usually use ‘m’am’ anymore.   We’ve lost a lot of the generational respect that we used to have.  I still call ladies ‘m’am’ and men ‘sir’ when they are much older than me.  I get smiles all the way around. 

But lately I’ve been thinking that ‘m’am’ might actually just be code for this stage of life.  You know what I mean:  Middle-Aged Memory.   MAM.    You are mid-sentence and suddenly you forget where you were going with what you had just said….you pause….and pause….and then you realize with utter horror that you really can’t recall where you were headed conversationally.    You try to laugh it off and say if it’s important it will come back.  But it does not.  

You walk into a room and you can’t remember why you wanted to come into this room.  You walk back to where you were before and retrace your steps.  But this old trick does not work anymore.   You notice that your mug of tea is on the counter over there.   Gone cold.  Forgot you made it.    Then you spy the post-it note you left by the phone with questions to ask when a call came through.  Too bad you answered the phone in the other room. 

You make a bowl of cereal for breakfast.  You have the milk in your hand and open the cupboard door where the bowls are kept and as your hand approaches the shelf you realize….this is not right.   The milk is headed for the fridge, really.  And why can we suddenly remember events with utter clarity from decades ago but couldn’t remember that neighbor’s name if lives depended upon it?

Does MAM exist because we have so many decades of knowledge and experience crammed into our brains that something has to give? Is our little memory librarian surrounded with tomes of our acquired facts, thoughts, and life time events?  And in sheer desperation, and quite at random, tossing out some volumes to make room?  

If you haven’t received your first ‘m’am’ then by all means enjoy the years beforehand.  But once you do, be on the lookout for the start of MAM.  A phase of life where you might want to start carrying around a bag of breadcrumbs…just in case.